Wholly Balls

Amazed, Johnny perched himself on a treetop and gazed at the unfolding scene through his monocular. "Wholly Balls" said LJ to himself as he chased the pink chalky medicine down with a shot of Petrone from his bota-bag. Johnny found a nice shady branch to sit on, rolled a smoke, cracked open a schlitz, and watched.

"Get back here you murdering bastard! Yaw Tony!" yelled Brandon in a masculine tone with an obvious homo twinge. A full 50 yards out front, atop a stagecoach driven by sorrel colored nags, rode Buffalo Brandon's quarry and notorious train robbers Mudslide Mark and his toothless sidekick Steven Ropesmoker. LJ chuckled as he watched Ropesmoker take pot-shots at Brandon's posse with a winchester. "Giddiyup Tony!" LJ heard as Buffalo Brandon jumped out of his stirrups and stood straight up in the saddle with his arms outreached like an airplane. Then holding the reins in his teeth Brandon took careful aim with his Henry rifle and fired once. The lead nag folded causing the other horses to founder sending the coach tumbling in a violent crash. When the dust settled, the bad men stood 10 feet apart, hands hovering over iron, ready to make a stand. Tony bowed his head, dropped to one knee, and Brandon slid forward, down the back of his neck onto the beach (his trademark dismount) and approached the men. Brandon's stirling silver spurs jingled softly as his bright red boots adorned with the ace of spades widened well past shoulder width into his preferred fighting stance. Brandon clenched his fists inside custom deerskin tasseled gloves and cracked his neck. "Where in the hell did ya get that shirt" sneered Polesmoker. "How a person dresses is no-one's business but his or her own" replied Brandon "Throw down your guns, nice and easy like or I'll kill you where you stand".

Meanwhile: Aboard the Ozone Lair, Bill and Oprah went over details of her horrible master-plan and discussed the preparedness of her T-2000 Terminator Robots. Afterwards they masterbated and ate each others asses, then snorted a tube of airplane glue off the shiny spaceship floor. JC