Enter Hawk

Perched halfway up a Cypress tree Johnny sat motionless preparing his body & mind for what was coming around the bend. He could see five to ten creatures moving towards him wearing what seemed to be hats made of feathers. As they moved closer LJ could faintly make out what seemed to be the leader. He had met this weird birdman creature before. Johnny sprung from his perch landing in front of the group, causing the man on point to pull his phaser (See Image). "Stand down" yelled the birdman to the soldiers behind him. "Seems you're outnumbered Johnny" he said, to which Johnny replied "Seems you forget how resourceful I am Hawk" as he reached into his pocket & threw a handful of corn to the ground. The bird like men as if on command fell to the ground on all fours and started pecking the ground like chickens. Johnny with both hands on his hips reared back and laughed a hearty laugh, hawk soon joined in after he had his fill of the tasty corn. Shaking LJ's hand, Hawk says, "good to see you old chap, what brings you to the canary islands? Knowing Cypress trees don't grow on the Canary Islands Johnny calmly replied. "Hang it in your ass Hawk and tell me why I'm here before I make a new pair of skydiving boots outta ya". "OK Let's take a walk Johnny, this is private" Hawk said, as he nods towards his men. Johnny knowing exactly what he wanted quickly reached into his rucksack with both hands and tossed more corn to the ground. As the two old friends walked off towards the cave, Johnny whistled a tune as Hawk snapped into a Slim Jim & wondered how he was going to inform Johnny about what lie ahead. EP

Sky Diving Boots

A brief search revealed a small cave in a cliffside, perfect for stashing his gear. As he dragged the last of the ballistic crates holding his goodies there, LJ sensed that he was not alone. Hairs on the back of his neck seemed to rise and his balls moved from his sack, up inside his abdomen for safety (automatic ball retraction was the term that physicians coined during Johnny's initial psych screen when he was awarded his choice of duty in black ops, a trait that no physician had seen before, or has yet to see again). LJ's overall mission was kept from him in the event of capture and interrogation, he was on a 'need to know' basis, with each task being revealed at the right time to protect the mission. Even LJ's location was unknown to him. The flight-crew aboard the C130 was obviously privy to that intel, but Johnny had been ordered to torch the bird, right after dust-off. His only instructions were to drop in and meet a female contact who would brief him. LJ had been warned that his contact was not someone to be trifled with, a beautiful but deadly assassin, hailing from the Eastern Block, named 'Ivanna Sukyoff'. After learning his next orders, LJ had the authority to use her as the mission demanded, or dispatch her right away. Johnny thought for a moment, is it a pack of ravening, blood thirsty natives that has stumbled onto my scent, or could it be his contact on his trail. No matter, he thought, either way I better get my shit together. Johnny removed his knee-high skydiving boots, which were fashioned from 100% chicken-hawk feathers by an old comanche friend, and quickly dawned a pair of custom made assault boots by Kangaroos, with #34 embroidered on the ankle leather. Little Johnny pulled the laces tight and secured them with a Norwegian Hell-Knot, then kissed his
fingers and held them to the sky for beloved sweetness. Opting for stealth, LJ reached into a crate and clutched a 6 foot tall Roman era recurve bow. With a quiver of arrows slung around his back, LJ located a good position to defend his perimeter. JC

Slim Jims & Buttermilk

Johny watched the little arms on his Mickey Mouse watch/altimiter spin as he raced towards the jungle canopy. Juhnny pulled the rip cord at 1000 ft and nothing happened. At 500 ft he yanked the backup and still nothing. Shit sandwich was the next thought that entered his head as he slipped through the tops of the rubber trees. Johnny is one of very few who can stick a ten point landing from a c-130 and survive! Johnny closed his eyes and gathered the energy of the universe into his every cell. Time began to slow, visions of his parents burnning to death, colonel sanders spanking Wonka on the rear and several women without eyes flashed through his brain. Three, two, one... Johnny landed in a good defencive position with his fully automatic custome made fifty cal at the ready. Johnny noticed he lost two slim jimms and a gallon of buttermilk in the
drop. Other then that all was well. Johnny made the landing from full terminal vilosity without making a sound or a single footprint. Some call this ability god like. Some felt he was a deamon, but like he always says after a good room clearing bar fight... "sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't." DT

Old Navy Cargo Shorts

Little Johnny watched as his artillery & equipment left the cargo hold piece by piece. He meticulously inventoried each as it slid from the aircraft. He watched as each popped its chute, making sure he knew what would be at his dispose when he reached the drop zone. As he did on all his missions, Johnny finished his blood ritual by biting the head off a live iguana, swallowing it whole & pissing on its carcass. He then proceeded to sprint through the cargo hold giving everyone a miniature snickers & one last high five. Johnny had a knack of always leaving them wanting more, this kind of personal attention is what endured him to his colleagues & enemies alike. Leaping into the unknown Johnny did half gainer with a full twist all while pulling a detonator from his Old Navy™ Cargo Shorts. Looking back at the crew as they waved goodbye and blew kisses, Johnny pressed the button and watched as the C-130 lit up the night sky.
Knowing the explosion would draw the attention of the local tribes he flashed his maniacal smile and turned from lovable high fiving snicker giving Johnny into a focused killing machine. EP