Magic Juice

Johnny rummaged through his stacked crates in the cave and found his secret crate marked "SECRET." Johnny reached deep into his Old Navy cargo shorts and retrieved a pair of toe nail clippers to aid in prying open the crate. Johnny made short work of the lid and reached inside for his secret weapon... "Dock Johnson's Magic Elixir." Johnny gave a glance at the instructions before removing the lid:

Instructions: Take 1 tsp in the morning before breakfast and 1tsp at night before bed. Caution: Could cause serious intestinal greasiness and some rectal nastiness. Not to be administered to children under the age of 18. Has been known to make some men bark at the moon and urinate in the faces of small puppies. Under all circumstance keep away from the eyes.

Johnny tipped his head back and threw down most off the bottle and chased it down with a handful of Peanut M&M's. Johnny could instantly feel the elixir do its magic. The muscle damage and internal bleeding from the killer stiletto healed instantly. Johnny could feel every muscle in his body fill with the magic juice, he was rejuvenated! His life now had new meaning and it prompted him to switch on his ipod touch and play the perfect song for the moment:
http://recordedlight.com/music/John_Denver/Ultimate%20Collection%20Disc%203/06%20I%20Want%20to%20Live.mp3

Johnny lit a smoke, opened the Trapper Keeper and placed two cold pieces of pepperoni pizza in the opposite cover as "Operation
Shenanigans," and strapped on his brightly colored wings. After making a final check it was clear everything was safe to resume flight. Johnny made his way to the cave entrance. Johnny licked his index finger, held it up to check the wind and jumped into the great blue yonder. DT